Jun 14, 2017 7:31PM

Conspiracy: Lorde Had A Secret Insta Account For Onion Ring Reviews

Bliss hoops.
Call it what you will, but we're going with the Watergate of 2017 because it's obvious and identically important. You see, a journalist from New Zealand's Newshub has made the prize-winning discovery, that Lorde was the admin of an Instagram account whose primary function was to review onion rings.
The account, @onionringsworldwide, is now deactivated, which is totally scandalous, but we'll get to that beer battered shame later. First, the evidence:
1. The followers: At the time of discovery, the account had only 24 followers, including Lorde and her bandmates and life mates.
2. The locations: The review locations fit suspiciously well with Lorde's schedule. 

3. The language: Lorde is a wordsmith, obviously, and so is the genius behind the account. So it must be her. Who else would contemplate mealtime with language like "ceremoniously"?

4. The fingers: Reported as "the single-most compelling piece of evidence", Newshub have noted the tidy fingernails of the poster and directly compared them to Lorde's. And it's a match.

And the heat doesn't stop there — in fact, it's just turning up. When approached for comment, Lorde's management had no response. OTHER THAN TO SHUT THE ACCOUNT DOWN! Case closed, though with dire consequences.
If you, too, are on the constant hunt for the perfect bliss hoop. There are more screenshots you can revel in.
Photos: @lorde, Newshub

Hayley Morgan