Dec 10, 2015 3:08PM

Every Time 'Edward Scissorhands' Knew Your Soul

Hold me...

The movie that conclusively proved that housewives are far more terrifying than monsters is celebrating its 25th anniversary this week. That means that 90s heart-throbs Winona Ryder and Johnny Depp are officially middle-aged and that we are primed for a trip down memory lane.

Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands was defs one of our "edgy" teenage selves' top five favourite movies. (You're lying if you claim that Garden State, American Beauty, The Virgin Suicides et al. didn't round out the list — talk about 50 shades of basic). In our defence, these are all actually great films and Edward Scissorhands is a certified cult classic.

Today, we will examine the ES themes that resonated as strongly with our disenfranchised teenage selves as they do with our cynical adult selves. So, in the name of not evolving as you age, please join us in some hefty appreciation of this emo but relatable masterwork. If you'd like to put on the Garden State soundtrack while you read the following, that's fine by us exactly what we'll be doing.

Let's start with our misunderstood main man, Edward. As well as being your ultimate dream guy (even though he couldn't hold a pea/ever express love through touch), Ed was the most stunning eyebrowless scar-faced man in history. He was also a great hairdresser and a really nice guy.

He was well-mannered.



And unlike ever hairdresser ever, didn't try to start a convo with his clients about their boyfriends. (And didn't even say anything when they had orgasms in his chair, polite!).

Even though the movie was released in 1991, Ed completely understood all of our 00s emo feels…

Like how you sometimes wished you had scissors for hands so you could fuck up the hallway when your parents annoyed you.

Or how no one understood you.

Or how badly you had to get out of the town you grew up in.

Or how awkward you were around members of the opposite sex.

And how awkward you were in general.

You could also totally relate to what happened the first time Edward got drunk.

And to the fact that at one time, your parents or their friends were involved in a weird sales pyramid scheme, Avon or otherwise.

But mostly, ES was the most romantic film of all time. That is after the somewhat basic Kim realised how much of a bloody keeper Edward was. Their relationship, which mostly consisted of longing gazes, culminated in this heartbreaking moment.

But then Kim decided to hold Edward instead and our hearts shattered into a million tiny pieces.

Even though he literally had to make snow for her in order to win her over…
…it was worth it in the end.

Photos and GIFs: Tumblr

Lucy Jones