Feb 20, 2014 11:21AM

Facebook Buys WhatsApp For $19 Billion

"Incredibly valuable."
World Facebook ruler Mark Zuckerberg has described mobile messaging app, WhatsApp as "incredibly valuable," in a statement recently — which is why his company just bought the program which has 450 million monthly users for 16 BILLION DOLLARS with an additional $3 billion going towards employee retention. The app which allows users to text each other free of charge is apparently gaining a million new users every day, so pretty soon we'll all be on Facebook (getting spied on) even when we're on our phone. Yay!
 
 
WhatApp founder Jan Koum will now be on the Facebook board of directors, but says the company will operate "independently and autonomously," before hanging up the phone, high-fiving Zuckerberg and laughing manically in unison with his new boss, while doing a line off the décolletage of a young boy. We've seen the Wolf of Wall Street, man; we know how these things go.
 
 
Shares in Facebook  have fallen five percent since the announcement, but seem to be recovering slightly. Considering that Instagram was only offered $1 billion in 2012, and SnapChat was offered $3 billion but declined to sell because they're punk rock, the merger is obvs a big, big deal. C U soon, Skynet
 
Read the full Facebook statement on the deal here