Mar 19, 2014 10:13AM

Sofia Coppola To Direct The Little Mermaid

The live action, non-Disney kind.
Everyone love mermaids. Furthering her repertoire of portraying super bored, rich females in an atmospheric, pastel way (no shade) Sofia Coppola is allegedly in talks with Universal for a live action remake of The Little Mermaid. The writer behind Edward Scissorhands, Caroline Thompson, is already on board to re-work a script previously written by Fifty Shades of Grey’s Kelly Marcel. Woah. Will it be a dark, slightly comedic look at underwater fetishists, then? Only time will tell. 
 
 
What we do know is that Sofia is really good at portraying lady/princess angst, and Ariel (or simply The Little Mermaid as she's known in the Hans Christian Andersen story) is the queen of such angst. She's always like, "Betcha on land /They understand /Bet they don't reprimand," and also "Want a thingamabob? I've got 20," because her attention span is short and fish-like.
 
 
If Sofia's version is loyal to the original fairy tale, we can expect that forthcoming The Little Mermaid will end in tragedy — with our heroine jumping to her death, rather than betray her beloved Prince by stabbing him and his newlywed queen in their sleep so she can get her tail back. That shit is intense. So no dancing Caribbean crabs, then.