Feb 06, 2014 1:13PM

TaTu To Perform At Russian Olympic Games

This is not enouuuugh.
I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost / If I'm asking for help it's only because…fake lesbian couple slash dance-pop act TaTu have been reportedly named as performers at the Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony in Sochi this Friday. Known for being Russian school girls and singing such hits as 'All The Things She Said,' 'They're Not Gonna Get Us' and an eye-gouging rendition of The Smith's 'How Soon Is Now' before fading into obscurity — some genius has defrosted the pseudo-sapphic poplettes so they can headline the show. A show that ironically will be held in a country where citizen brutality and Government discrimination against the LGBT community is only increasing. Despite efforts from gals like Pussy Riot
Will this make for the most LOL Opening Ceremony ever? Probably not (lest we forget Sydney 2000) but it will be hilariously bad. In a sad twist of fate (as twisty as the late 90s twists on Lena's head,) the performance won't be telecast internationally, but rather will stay a state secret. Never mind. We hear the Russian Olympic team are entering the stadium to the tune of 'They're Not Gonna Get Us' so that should go some way in making up for it. Failing that, there's this precious YouTube find. Oh hey, Amanda Bynes: