Jan 17, 2012 12:00AM

The 69th Annual Golden Globes: A Rant

In case you missed it last night, here's what went down. IT WAS REALLY BORING.

In case you missed the Golden Globes last night, here's what went down.

IT WAS REALLY BORING. The fashion AND the winners. The only vaguely interesting / accurate / good winners were for Best Supporting Actor and Actress for TV (Peter Dinklage for Game of Thrones and Jessica Lange for American Horror Story) and Best Actor in a Miniseries (Idris Elba for Luther).

Otherwise it felt no different to, like, three years ago and who likes living in the past? Stale and irrelevant. New shows aren't getting enough props. (I haven't seen Homeland, though, which one Best Drama and Best Actress). Please, Modern Family is entertaining but it isn't ROCKET SCIENCE.

The winners for film were just zzzzzzzzz.

And Ricky Gervais's suit was ridiculous in a late nineties way but was much funnier than most of his jokes.

As for the fashion, Zooey Deschanel's dress looked like a computer game, Salma Hayek resembled a miniature Beyonce/Black Eyed Pea hybrid and Idris Elba sure wore some blingin' shoes. Much love to Michelle Williams, who wore velvet; Tilda Swinton, because she's Tilda Swinton; and Sarah Michelle Gellar who looked nice and fresh against a carpet full of nudes and blacks and plums.

Here are some key looks that caught our eye, for better or worse.

And just in case you care, here are the winners (in bold).

MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA

The Descendants

The Help

Hugo

The Ides of March

Moneyball

War Horse

MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY

The Artist

50/50

Bridesmaids

Midnight in Paris

My Week With Marilyn

FOREIGN-LANGUAGE PICTURE

A Separation (Iran)

The Flowers of War (China)

In the Land of Blood and Honey (USA)

The Kid With a Bike (Belgium)

The Skin I Live In (Spain)

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

The Adventures of Tintin

Cars 2

Puss in Boots

Rango

Arthur Christmas

DIRECTOR

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, The Descendants

Martin Scorsese, Hugo

ACTOR, DRAMA

George Clooney, The Descendants

Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar

Michael Fassbender, Shame

Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

ACTRESS, DRAMA

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Viola Davis, The Help

Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Brendan Gleeson, The Guard

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50

Ryan Gosling, Crazy Stupid Love

Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jodie Foster, Carnage

Charlize Theron, Young Adult

Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Kate Winslet, Carnage

SUPPORTING ACTOR

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Albert Brooks, Drive

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

Christopher Plummer, Beginners

SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Berenice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

Octavia Spencer, The Help

Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

SCREENPLAY

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

George Clooney, Grant Heslov & Beau Willimon, The Ides of March

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon & Jim Rash, The Descendants

Steven Zaillian & Aaron Sorkin, Moneyball

ORIGINAL SCORE

Ludovic Bource, The Artist

Abel Korzeniowski, W.E.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Howard Shore, Hugo

John Williams, War Horse

ORIGINAL SONG

"Hello Hello" - Music by Elton John. Lyrics by Bernie Taupin. Gnomeo & Juliet

"The Keeper" - Music and lyrics by Chris Cornell. Machine Gun Preacher

"Lay Your Head Down" - Music by Brian Byrne. Lyrics by Glenn Close. Albert Nobbs

"The Living Proof" - Music by Mary J. Blige, Thomas Newman and Harvey Mason Jr. Lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason Jr. and Damon Thomas. The Help

"Masterpiece" - Music and lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry. W.E

TV SERIES, DRAMA

American Horror Story

Boardwalk Empire

Boss

Game of Thrones

Homeland

ACTOR, TV DRAMA

Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Jeremy Irons, The Borgias

Damian Lewis, Homeland

ACTRESS, TV DRAMA

Claire Danes, Homeland

Mireille Enos, The Killing

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Madeleine Stowe, Revenge

Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

TV SERIES, MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Episodes

Glee

Modern Family

New Girl

Enlightened

ACTOR, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

David Duchovny, Californication

Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory

Thomas Jane, Hung

Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

ACTRESS, TV MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Laura Dern, Enlightened

Zooey Deschanel, New Girl

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Laura Linney, The Big C

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES

Cinema Verite

Downton Abbey

The Hour

Mildred Pierce

Too Big To Fail

ACTOR, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey

Idris Elba, Luther

William Hurt, Too Big To Fail

Bill Nighy, Page Eight

Dominic West, The Hour

ACTRESS, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Romola Garai, The Hour

Diane Lane, Cinema Verite

Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey

Emily Watson, Appropriate Adult

WINNER Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

SUPPORTING ACTOR, SERIES, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Paul Giamatti, Too Big To Fail

Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce

Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite

Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, SERIES, MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Jessica Lange, American Horror Story

Kelly MacDonald, Boardwalk Empire

Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce

CECIL B. DEMILLE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Morgan Freeman

Here's to the countdown to the Oscars. Please, somebody do/say/wear something crazy!

www.goldenglobes.org

Emily Royal