The Coolest People on TV
And you thought YOU were obsessed with television.
NME have just released their "cool list" of musicians for 2011, which you can read at the bottom of this post. Oyster writer Emily Royal, however, is obsessed with television (she watches four hours a day!), so we decided to get her to make her own list.
1. Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
Ron Swanston is Earnest Hemingway for the modern day. He is a bad-ass liberatarian mofo with apologies for no-one. And yet, as cuddly as a hefty, oversized cat. Plus, he has the greatest moustache in all the land.
2. John Luther, Luther
Played by the incomparable Idris Elba, John Luther is a detective scorned who becomes BFFs with a mentally unstable killer and literally plays russian roulette on a daily basis. Plus, look at him.
3. Don Draper, Mad Men
He is a GQ motherfucker and women fall at his hot feet. His style is ridic. You either wanna be him or be with him.
4. Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank Reynolds has been on a steady decline ever since his divorce and subsequent moving in to Charlie Kelly's cat-infested studio apartment where they share a bed and eat cat food for dinner. He gave up wealth, clean living and pretension, choosing instead to live on the "fringe class". And with this constant de-evolution he, in turn, just gets cooler.
5. Chalky White, Boardwalk Empire
Chalky White is a gay stick-up man living in the projects of Baltimore. Barack Obama, the actual President of the actual United States, has said that he's a "great guy", quickly adding, "That's not an endorsement. He is not my favorite person, but he's a fascinating character - a gay gangster who only robs drug dealers and then gives back. But he's the toughest, baddest guy on the show, and he's gay. He's a fascinating character." (DISCLAIMED: Any confusion between Michael K Williams characters here is intended as to create a loophole allowing credit to be given to possibly the coolest character OF ALL TIME, Omar Little from The Wire, who is not current enough to make this list as the show stopped airing in 2008.)
6. Effie Stonem, Skins
Effie Stonem didn't utter a word for almost the entire first season of BBC's runaway hit Skins, making her all the more alluring and just a little bit sinister. Once she did start talking, it was mostly messed up nonsense with underlying tones of existential truth. Plus, she wore fishnets as pants to school one day.
7. Shane Botwin, Weeds
Disturbingly intelligent as a child, homicidal and possibly completely amoral as a teen, Shane Botwin essentially motivated by the instinct to protect his family and act as the father he lost years ago. He wrote gangster poetry in the third grade and infiltrated a NYC police department during a college internship.
8. Jeff Winger, Community
Jeff Winger knows he's cool. In a way, that makes him uncool. But in another way, it comes back around and makes him cool again. He's an ex-lawyer, current community college student who oftentimes acts like a freshman fratboy, but he cares about his goofy classmates and dedicates his time to keeping the gang together.
9. Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down
Kenny. Fucking. Powers. If you don't already know why he is cool, you don't deserve to know.
10. Jax Teller, Sons of Anarchy
Jackson 'Jax' Teller is the Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycyle Club's Redwood Original chapter. He is tall, blonde, tattooed and rides a motorcyle, which is pretty much the most elementary example of cool, is it not?
Meanwhile, unsigned twenty year-old rapper Azealia Banks topped this year's NME Cool List. But is she cooler than Ron Swanson? You decide.
1. Azealia Banks
2. Jarvis Cocker (Pulp)
3. Honor Titus (Cerebral Ballzy)
4.+5. Tom Meighan and Serge Pizzorno (Kasabian)
6. Lana Del Rey
7. Rhys Webb (The Horrors)
8. Theo Hutchcraft (Hurts)
9. Matt Helders (Arctic Monkeys)
10. Ellery Roberts (WU LYF)