Sep 30, 2011 12:00AM

Top 5: Things Anna Wintour Should Never Be Made To Do

Five frightful errors and a Wintour of discontent.

Anna Wintour, feared and revered Vogue editrix, inscrutable behind dark sunglasses and a perfectly-coiffed bob, is not "warm" - she has her furs for that. And, unfortunately for the hundreds of PR assistants that pander to the fashion matriarch's every whim, it doesn't take much to bring about a Wintour of discontent. Here are five frightful errors that left the notoriously icy Editor out in the cold.

1. Standing at Balenciaga

Right before Balenciaga's SS12 show in Paris today, the benches collapsed. Skimping on seating apparatuses is a pretty big faux pas, especially when it means that high profile guests like Mario Testino, Salma Hayek and the grand dame in question - Ms. Wintour - fall flat on their derrieres. Organisers then had the nerve to ask guests to watch the show standing up. Here's Wintour looking less-than-impressed at her predicament (photo courtesy of Harper's Bazaar UK Twitter account):

2. Lining up at Diesel

The fashion world recoiled in horror when a major blunder at Diesel's disorganised AW10 show forced Wintour to wait in line. French Vogue Editor, Carine Roitfeld, was also present for the unmitigated disaster, which did not end inside the tent. According to Gatecrasher, a woman in the front row spilled her purse all over the runway, talked on the phone during the show, and blew her nose disgustingly. Phlegm is not very fashion.

3. Being in the same vicinity as touchy-feely it-girls

Pixie Geldof and Alexa Chung might be part of Britain's crop of it-girls, but as far as Wintour is concerned, they need to learn a thing or two about etiquette. According to The Daily Mail, Wintour found their behaviour at London Fashion Week in 2009 to be nothing short of uncouth: "As Pixie and Alexa broke all the fashion rules of decorum - hugging and stroking one another as the models strutted their stuff - Anna just flared. Tutting loudly, the incensed matriarch shuffled away from the frolicking duo. Clutching her BlackBerry and diary her knuckles turned white and her mouth pursed as the pair continued nattering." Apparently Wintour shot the pair to a frosty stare, which chastened them. (Note to Pixie and Alexa: don't take this to heart - Wintour is so staunchly anti-affection that she doesn't let her own daughter hug her in public).

4. Having a fat cover girl

God forbid that Wintour be at the helm of a magazine featuring a fat cover girl. During an un-aired segment from a 60 Minutes interview, Wintour admitted that in 1998 she told Oprah Winfrey to drop 20 pounds if she wanted to grace the cover of Vogue. Wintour has also claimed that "most" residents of the state of Minnesota are overweight, saying "on a trip to Minnesota - I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses."

5. Being smacked in the face with a tofu pie

Wintour has been harangued by PETA for years. But, try as she might, Ingrid Newkirk, president and co-founder of PETA, can't get anything out of Wintour. She's gatecrashed the Vogue HQ, causing Wintour to barricade herself in her office. She famously served Wintour a dead raccoon at the Four Seasons in 1996, but Wintour merely covered it with her napkin and ordered coffee. She's even overseen Wintour being smacked in the face with tofu pie - still, no response. Perhaps Wintour is fuming on the inside. Or perhaps she's bored by PETA's petty stunts, much like she was at Gucci's AW11 show, where she indulged in a power nap whilst seated front row. Come on animal rights activists, this is fashion - do something fabulous. Is a tofu pie really the best you've got?