Apr 27, 2011 12:00AM

Top 5: Wedding Day Essentials for Kate Middleton

With royal wedding bells poised to ring, we give some nuptial advice to our future Queen.

1) Something old: In the wake of her 85th birthday, the Queen certainly qualifies for this role.

2) Something new: It's no secret that British pop legends love butchering well-worn classics in the name of the Windsors. It seems appropriate, then, that Kate makes sure George Michael's new spin on an old Stevie Wonder track accompanies her first waltz with William.

3) Something borrowed: Someone that is either very stupid or very well-informed recently placed a bet worth $72,000 on the future Mrs. Windsor wearing the Queen's marital tiara to the wedding. For the sake of the punter's financial security, wouldn't it be great for Queen Liz to give Kate a loan?

4) Something blue: While adolescent girls of the nineties would have no hesitation in saying Wills' dreamy eyes are enough blue for any red-blooded woman, we're going to go with a different definition and propose that these Crown Jewel Condoms will ensure things turn a little blue when the sun sets on the royal wedding.

5) A precious memento: Ostensibly, after William's unsophisticated choice of wedding cake, Kate's noble belly is going to be feeling a little queasy. Keeping a couple of these Royal Wedding sickbags on hand is practical and a much more interesting souvenir than some nauseatingly-posed official photograph.

Words: Lillian McKnight