Jul 10, 2014 3:49PM

Tyra Banks Predicts The Future Of Beauty

Everyone will look like Beyonce (and use vaseline).
We've just received an amazing gift, you guys, and that gift is an insight into the mental workings of Tyra Banks. The (drag) queen of LOL facial expressions, hilarity and all-around giver of zero fucks has penned a piece for The Wall Street Journal in which she predicts the future of beauty. You're smizing already, right?
 
 
Her future-looking predictions are a mixture of LOL, wishful thinking and genuine insights into the collective unconscious when it comes to the beauty industry and all things face-related. She would know. So sit back, relax and for God's sake, be quiet Tiffany!! A 10 is speaking.
 
 
1. Plastic surgery will be as easy and quick as going to the drugstore for Tylenol: By this, she means that people will strive to look as unique and/or interesting as possible — meaning DIY face modifications will be all the rage.
 
2. There will be no hair extensions: This is some cray wishful thinking on Ty's part. Hair growing serum that extends your hair naturally in 24 hours time? A girl can dream.
 
 
3. Global warming will threaten our crops so natural food will be scarce: Well yeah. Bummer.
 
4. The features of one's baby will be as selectable as menu items at a fast-food drive-through window: Scary but probs true! 
 
 
5. Skin color and features will mesh into a similar shade for the majority of people: By this she means that the majority of people will be all multicultural, caramel-skinned and queer. Motion sustained. 
 
6. By extension, prejudice will be socio-economically-based: Since everyone will be part of the aforementioned caramel/queer race.
 
 
7. Advertising for the beauty industry will have shifted: Models will be irrelevant and replaced with robots/avatars.
 
8. Everyone will have at least one personal robot/assistant/companion: Aka she's seen Her. 
 
 
9. For those who choose not to go for plastic surgery: Beauty ingestibles will be available that will temporarily alter one's appearance. 
 
10. Women's empowerment will be an irrelevant concept: Women will have gained more power in society and will be able to have kids until they're 120. Ew! 
 
 
11. She didn't say this, but it goes without saying — in the future everyone will get Vaseline!